Numb
We all know the feeling, having things happen around us that feel overwhelming to the point we no longer want to feel. Slipping into that state of being numb, lowering expectations, giving up on what we want, feeling devoid of energy. These are a normal human function and have served our species for a very long time. Numbing ourselves to the emotions/feelings we experience (numb/meh/fine) is largely considered a defense mechanism which helps our mind to avoid overwhelming complex feelings when we are already occupied and at our perceived max. Some of those complex feelings are hatred, jealousy, grief, guilt, insecurity and loneliness (there are many, many more). Going numb helps us to avoid the feelings on a mental and emotional level. Another phrase which can be lumped in with this is dissociation which simply means someone disconnecting from their body, senses, location, identity or memories. The degree to which we numb ourselves varies, from simply not caring about a specific thing, to not caring about anything or anyone. This doesn’t mean suicidality comes into play, rather we simply don’t care if we were to die at that moment.
Because this is something humans have developed in order to survive/function, it has a purpose which is meant to keep us alive and well. It helps to “pause” the issue in order for us to be able to function to some degree; going to work, taking care of our child, making supper, being there for a friend, refocusing on that homework…etc. Most of the time the feeling of being numb will pass, as most things do. However, over time, this technique can turn into a defense mechanism as mentioned before and when that happens this newly formed habit may “protect” ourselves from all sorts of physical and mental pain; denying growth from the perceived negative experiences.
Numbing on a regular basis is a dangerous situation to be in if left unchecked. Restricting our emotions/feelings reduces our ability to learn from them and navigate them correctly, resulting in many social and individual problems or issues.
Here is a list of symptoms often associated with numbing:
An inability to fully participate and enjoy things in life.
Disconnection from our inner self.
Failing to access or be aware of our active feelings.
Feeling detached or distant from others, as if they just don’t understand or care.
Feeling low with energy, both physically and emotionally.
Struggling to have or hold onto positive feelings such as happiness or love/connection.
Losing interest in activities we used to enjoy.
Preferring to be alone rather than be social on a daily basis.
Detachment from life, like living on autopilot.
Mental, emotional, physical and/or sexual fatigue.
Addictions.
Chronic illness as well as somatic illness (illness created in the mind).
Confusion and/or irritability.
You might have noticed some of the above symptom’s sound really familiar or close to depression. Well, you would be correct. Emotional numbing or struggling to manage feelings is a big part of depression. The difference between struggling with emotional numbness or being depressed is really a measurement of time and severity. People who are depressed, have been experiencing the symptoms listed above (and more) for a period of two weeks or longer. Meaning, they have more than not struggled with the things listed on a daily basis, for two weeks straight.
Numbing ourselves from the inner workings of our mind can also stem from something we experienced in the past, that we at the time were not developmentally able to handle or understand. Witnessing an act of violence, being assaulted physically or sexually and intense loss are some examples of this, however, anything we were exposed to and were not emotionally or physiologically able to handle, in that moment, our brain can rewire itself for future safety; avoidance of things in that moment.
There are techniques which once learned can be used to help reconnect to our emotions; usually these are learned or taught in mental health counseling and then can be applied to real life situations or instances. These help treat the symptoms of emotional numbing, but often don’t address (at least not directly) the cause or why we emotionally numb out.
Anchoring
Bringing our attention back to ourselves, similar to being mindful but with our body instead of just our mind. When we don’t feel connected to ourselves, learning to feel safe by creating a safe space for ourselves is highly important and effective.
Communication:
Speaking out loud with someone about what is internally going on (does not have to be a professional). This is important not only to let the things inside out, but also to gain possible alternative perspectives and ways of handling things. Human Beings are not meant to be solo, we evolved to have others around us in order to survive and thrive. Being able to share what we struggle with helps us evolve and grow.
Breathing:
Similar to anchoring, breathing helps regain control over our body which may normally feel out of control or not our own. Controlling the rate of how much or frequently we breathe fundamentally reduces the panic which our brain goes to in distress.
Recording:
When we are not able to communicate or talk through our thoughts and feelings with someone else, recording them is highly effective. Although there are many forms of recording, journaling through handwriting is one of the most effective as we can visually see and physically manipulate what we write.
Creativity:
Movement isn’t the only form of activity we can do to help ease our mental or emotional state of mind. Writing, journaling, drawing, painting, playing music, dancing or even re-arranging our rooms can let the emotion flow out of our body in a manner we can control ourselves.
Self-care:
Our bodies are just that; ours. We need to take care of them in order for them to take care of us. Hygiene, food choice, activity or movement, relaxation choice, yoga or meditation…etc. The list can be as long as one might want, but the goal is the same, reconnecting with you.
So how do we make changes, go back to the state of feeling again? Being kind to yourself is really important as it is going to take time as well as mistakes. Learning to regulate our nervous system isn’t easy and it often comes with its own source of challenges. You will need supporters, a safe space and more often than not a professional to help navigate. We have to train the brain to see and experience the world in a manner we agree with or want.
With a therapist treatment often begins with unpacking the cause of the emotional numbing. This is usually done in a safe space which is created by yourself and the therapist, which allows for navigating the emotional minefield we have been avoiding. Feelings are a part of living and often are not actually negative. They serve us in some way; there is a reason we are experiencing them. The sooner we understand this, the sooner we can actually move through them without getting stuck or wounded.